A Journal Entry

Have you ever encountered the feeling that you aren't doing enough?

There is so much that this Earth has to offer and we have only so much access to it. We have only so much time to spend looking out rather than in. Sometimes we just can't find a way to get out of ourselves. Sometimes we just don't have the opportunity to do something with our freedom.
At the moment I am free and the limitations exist in the world around me. There is a bubble that I am pushing on. I have an overwhelming urge to get as far away as possible simply to see something that I don't every day. I crave a new experience. 

To sum myself up in one single word, I would choose "wanderlust". It is what I am driven by. I get bored much too easily. An idle day becomes an itch to simply do something. To simply get up and drive until there is a place I've never seen before or an experience I have not lived through.

I can't live an idle life when the world offers itself to me. There is an expanse that is worth my time and I am instead stuck. I could write pages about how much I miss a place I've never been to. 

I simply want to know everything. The easy way to do that is to go out and discover it myself. I must search for my own purpose in life.

The past few days I've been stuck inside doing the same things I do every day. I have unused energy that will one day consume me like a supernova. 

The purpose of this post is to say that I am trapped in this small town and the rest of the world is calling me. I have opportunity waiting for me if I can simply get to it. Maybe this is fictional internal discourse, but I am willing to give my life to this kind of dream fantasy.

The world is mine for the taking and every day I am getting one step closer to seizing it. 

Christmas

My favorite part of Christmas is helping others have a great experience during this season. This year I have more opportunities than usual to give to my community and help those that wouldn't otherwise be capable of providing presents, meals or even winter clothes to their family. There are people who can barely pay for meals during the year that are now expected to buy presents, clothes and provide Christmas dinner. It's sometimes impossible to survive and provide this experience to children. It's the job of those that are able to get through it to give to those who can't.
Last week began wrapping clermont. The interact club that I am a co-president of is heading this event. I am one of the few people organizing it, giving me a bigger role than I've had in the last few years. We wrapped boxes on Thursday to give to classroom, making them festive and attractive. The interact club is always excited to participate and it's heartwarming to see so many people come out that aren't usually involved in our weekly meetings. It's sometimes disheartening seeing how few people want to join this club and help the community, but when we really need people they show up to help and support our cause.
I am also eligible to give blood in the middle of the season. I donate as soon as I'm cleared after the last time and the end of my waiting period happens to fall in the middle of this time of giving. Giving blood is less personal than other forms of charity, but it is just as fulfilling knowing I could be saving someone's life.
Also this weekend, I got to go out with friends to ring bells for the Salvation Army. We collect money in the red kettles. The people that donate are so sweet and thankful. They are happy to give and although we are simply ringing bells, we are able to give others the opportunity to help this cause.
The Christmas season truly is the season of giving and I'm overjoyed that my first week of December is filled with helping others and giving back to my community. I'm excited to continue this trend and hopefully change someone's Christmas experience for the better.

Horizons

This year has given me lots of opportunities to travel inside and out of the country. Most of my life I take a trip every other year to somewhere near a beach, but this year has been very different. I went to Boston to visit schools and celebrate my birthday in a city I didn't recognize. I was able to fly to spend a weekend at a college and experience fall on the east coast. This weekend I got the opportunity to go to Tennessee with my family to watch my brother play football.
Tennesse isn't like the other trips I've been on. There was much less sun and shorts and a lot more wilderness to explore. Our hotel sat on top of one of the most beautiful mountains I've ever seen (also, one of the only). There was no horizon, simply another peak across a valley. The colorful fall leaves on the mountains was breathtaking. I bundled up and breathed in the crisp air, rather than sunbathing and swimming.
Most of the weekend was spent with my brother's football team sightseeing and playing games. The last day we spent in Pigeon Forge was spent getting away from the tourism and seeing some of the scenery that was so abundant around us. There was no rush to get somewhere and we could leisurely drive up the mountainside. The top changed the way I viewed the world. Ohio is known for the flat farmland that it is. I have lived a life where the sky could touch the Earth. In Tennesse, the Earth touches the sky. It is a small distinction, but a life-changing one.
Experiences like these should fulfill my wanderlust, but instead, it simply fuels it. Returning home makes my mind stir. It leaves me time to think about where I will go next. I am never content sitting still. I want to see what the rest of the world has to offer me. I want to experience something that will change the way I view the world. I feel I have been cramped into this small corner and all I want is to break free.

Getting Ahead

"Do the difficult things while they are easy and do the great things while they are small. A journey of a thousand miles must begin with a single step." - Lao Tzu
This quote flashed at the bottom of my online task list. I felt the need to write something about it. It puts my thoughts about life neatly into nine small words.
An example that comes to mind is the idea of holding a glass of water. At first, it is simply a glass of water, it is not heavy. After carrying it for an hour or two, your arm will start to fall and your muscles will cramp. Suddenly, this simple glass of water is as painful as carrying a two hundred pound weight. Hold it for long enough and it will eventually fall and shatter.
In my life, I live by a plan. My week is mapped out for me by Sunday night. I am able to account for things that will throw others into a whirlwind.
I was raised around my anxiety driven, OCD diagnosed grandmother and her six children who follow much too closely in her footsteps. They are all spontaneous and want to go out on a random Saturday morning to the zoo. Every next step is unknown and yet, they worry about every single one.
I am no exception. I was raised in this family of not-exactly-sane people. I am not-exactly-sane. The difference between my grandmother who is constantly so stressed out she can't stop shaking and me, is I am aware of what will happen if I don't have my next three steps planned out. I have witnessed it seven times over. It is terrifying.
The quote "Deal with the big while it is still small." points out that things will not get any easier. If you put something small off for long enough, it becomes something much larger. It can grow physically as in cleaning, or mentally, as in putting off a paper until the day before it is due. The paper is no bigger than it was before, but the stress surrounding it has multiplied.
I'm going to pin this quote on my thought board because it is a great thing to live by. Finish what needs to be done before it becomes something you can't handle. No matter how big it seems not, it will only get worse until you do something about it.

Getting Back to Normal

These past few weeks I have been very busy. Most of it has been catching up from the few days I was out on vacation, but some of it is just a lot of things being thrown at me at once.
I've finally properly started my new job. I'm getting schedules the hours that I need to be able to pay for what I am responsible for. Although I'm making more money, it is also taking a lot more of my time. This leaves a lot less time for what I need to accomplish both in my academic life and my personal one.
All of my classes are coming to a head. There is a pause in each of my classes for assessment and it is all coming at the same time. None of my classes are too much for me to handle, but it is difficult when they all expect me to finish a chapter in each one.
Weeks like these are always the hardest. There is so much to do and not nearly enough time to do it.
I am beginning the slow process of adjusting to my new schedule. My classes are moving on and slowing down and I am prepared to plan ahead. I am finally going to be able to return to comfort. I haven't had the time to read my own books or perfect my solo until now. I am finally returning to the things I love and giving myself ample time to decompress and enjoy my senior year of high school.
I have a bag full of books I purchased so very long ago waiting at the foot of my bed for me to begin them. I have been distracted by everything, but maybe now I will finish at least one. I also have time to reconnect with my saxophone and relearn how to make it sound beautiful again. It has been so long since the combination of us has produced something close to music. I feel this depravity in my life. I feel the urge to sing simply to fill my surroundings with music.
I finally have time to myself and I am ready to use it.

Boring

I've come to terms with the fact that I am a fairly boring person. Like all things you must come to terms with, I hate this thought.
I know what I like. I like an early bedtime, 8:30 and I am essentially dead to the world. I don't like almost any food. I'm very picky and anything spicy, greasy, weirdly textured, odorous or simply visually unappealing is off the table for me. I avoid scary movies and can only endure so much thrill. I'm very conservative on my views of a good time. To me, I am a huge fan of book clubs or trips for coffee. I can't honestly say that I enjoy going out to a party and being surrounded by pure stupidity.
So, I am a boring person.
However, I think I am interesting where it matters. My conversations don't end with the weather, but successfully take on meaning. I put no value into small talk. I know the smallest corners that provide once in a lifetime experiences. I savor the future and build to it. I am not conventionally fun, but I find fun where fun finds me. I do what I enjoy because of my strong belief in internal happiness, a feeling of joy that comes only from yourself. I don't need other people to ensure that I am happy.
I don't need those around me to think I am anything more than I am. I will not attempt to make someone else think differently of me at my own expense. Those that think like me are the people I want to be surrounded by regardless. If I am boring to most, then I will find my own fun.
In reality, I am simply happy without extra things in my life. People and experiences are all I need to enjoy myself. Substances and unhealthy activities are unnecessary and provide an escape rather than immersion. I want to know the world around me with my own clear mind.
The only goal we should have in life is to be happy with ourselves, rather than focusing on how others think of us.

A Reflection

Have you ever stepped on a piece of broken glass? The single shard breaks into a fine dust under your shoe. The sound of each crack multiplying until it is one single scream. Your heart may leap just a little, not enough to look back and check, but enough to know you caused this destruction. Enough to feel powerful, bigger than you are. The smallest particles stick with you; hiding in the tread of your shoes, staying. It’s unlikely that you wanted to check the damage that you have caused. It is a lost cause, something already broken, unsalvageable.

In my short 17 years of life, I have been broken, slowly and quietly. I have persevered, lived on. I have survived with few scars. The part that I have not come back from was when someone crushed me into a fine dust and never did look back.

I have always been thankful for the life that I was granted. I had a broken family, but one that I could flourish in. I had enough support to get the things I needed and enough chaos to discover who I really wanted to be. From the beginning, I was driven. My dad instilled in me that given enough effort, I can achieve anything. I have always wanted to achieve everything and, so, I worked harder than everyone I knew.

The long years leading up to high school consisted of instability and anxiety. I came home to a war zone. There was a monster that took the form of a man lurking in the darkest corners of my home. He waited to attack until we had just gotten used to the calm. The stench of alcohol and rage filled every room. It is difficult to admit that I’ve been abused. It is even more difficult to describe the way the house shook with his vulgar exclamations and his face morphed into something that was not recognizably human.

One day, finally those that loved me came to my rescue. There was a court case, a trial, an exoneration, broken glass.

I was left with a dust I could not piece back together. Damage left behind and nothing left to do with it. I decided to rebuild. I ultimately lost pieces of myself, but I became a glass mosaic; still broken, but whole. Something more beautiful the second time it was put together.
I learned that I did, in fact, love myself. I learned that what I was living was not life. It was a form of living that consisted of breathing, but not thriving. I learned that no one else gets to decide my value. My life shifted from focusing on making it through the school day to being a whole person. Building a social life that elevated my own confidence and self esteem. I joined clubs, learned to love myself. I wanted to thrive despite this terrible experience that tried so hard to despoil me.

A My high school career has focused on recovery. I discovered what success meant to me and surpassed it. I have set goal after goal. Each time I achieved one, I would set the bar that much higher. I would continue to push myself because I have already endured the worst. The rest does not compare.

Vassar View

This weekend, I had the extraordinary opportunity to visit New York and experience Vassar College. The purpose of Vassar View is to give college bound students an opportunity to see how college life actually works. My expenses were completely paid for from travel to meals. My questions about what was to come were mostly answered and this program gave me a lot more understanding of what I wanted compared to an average college visit or even if they used these three days to simply promote Vassar
I experienced flying alone for the first time, but met with fellow students after landing. We all travelled together and stayed in contact throughout the event. We came from different parts of the country and had a lot in common. We complained about our AP classes, talked about how excited we were for our college applications and how stressful it is to be a high school senior trying to find your place in the world. Many of the people in the program come from less than ideal situations, but this program gave us an opportunity to enjoy the present and understand what the next four years of our life could look like.
We were given almost complete freedom of our time. Aside from limited mandatory scheduled events and a signed consent form, we could spend our time exactly how we wanted to. I was able to visit their musical library resembling Hogwarts and study in their three story library. I was treated exactly how a college student would be treated and given the experience of living life on campus, going to class and seeing the different programs and clubs on campus.
This experience assisted me in making a decision about what I want the rest of my life to look like. I decided I would not be happy on a small campus, there is simply too much I want to do and see. I also found a new understanding of what going to live on a campus far away from home would feel like. I feel a lot more comfortable with the idea. It makes me that much more excited about traveling for school and living on campus. I made decisions that I had no information on before this program enlightened me.

Picking Pumpkins

It's finally starting to feel like October! Friday the thirteenth has come and gone and, as a parting gift, has left the 50 degree weather and October traditions behind. Only now is it acceptable temperature to wear comfy sweaters and fur-lined boots. Before, it was far too warm to break out your fall wardrobe without drowning in sweat by the end of the day. The days are getting shorter and we are all preparing to shut ourselves in for the next few months, taking advantage of the last few days that will be warm enough to be outside.
I took advantage of my "fall break" and the eerie weather to fit all of my Halloween activities into one weekend. On Sunday night, I dedicated my night to exploring Kings Island's Halloween Haunt. There were haunted houses and rides, actors walking around in costume whose only purpose is to terrify those that are already a little on edge. It makes the Halloween season all the more real being surrounded by fog and hearing shrieking from various places in the park. Halloween is supposed to be a thrill and maybe an escape from reality. A few weeks out of the year where we get to question what is real and be something we aren't.
Monday, I visited Blooms and Berries farm. I got to spend hours trying to decipher a seven-acre corn maze, drink apple cider and go on a hayride through a pumpkin patch. All of the staples of fall wrapped into one eventful day. I took home some small pumpkins to decorate and spent the day with the people I enjoyed then most. We all were able to experience something new and do it in each other's company. The cool weather brought us all a little bit closer.
It's exciting to watch the seasons change and celebrate the traditions that come with them. Stopping to enjoy the moment and take advantage of the time you are given is an important part of life. When we are able to watch and feel time progressing it motivates us to get up and seize the moment for what it is. Rather than wait for life to happen to us, we make a decision to impact life.

Family

There's nothing more important than family. Rather that's the one that you are born into or the everlasting bonds you may make over your lifetime, that idea that nothing is more important than sticking together is an integral part of human nature. It's in our nature to want to love and be loved by someone.
My family is slightly dysfunctional. I don't always get to see my dad the way I might like, especially in the last year. You'd think with my own car, I'd see him more, but with the added responsibility of a job, these things get exceedingly difficult. It's a strange experience not being able to see the person you relate to most on a daily basis. Some days it is very difficult. I feel disconnected from the whole world, like no one really gets me. Other times, It's just a small, missing piece of me that is wandering rather than where it should be. Either way, I am not how I should be.
I've recently quit my job and don't start my next one for a few weeks.  With this, I have lots of free time and get to spend that with my father and family. I am not used to not having a place to be or a deadline to meet, creating a weird environment for me.I've taken time to relax and visit with him. We got the time to go out to dinner and catch up which is more than we've been allowed in months. It made up for a lot of missing time and I appreciate every moment I have with him. He is the person I am closest to in my life and sometimes we get incredibly far apart.
It's nice to have a chance to reconnect and catch up. These few hours were the highlight of my week. They bring things into perspective and force me to pay attention to the important parts of my life. I'm pushing myself as hard as I can to do well in school and save money for college, but at some point, I must stop planning for my future and start living in my present.

Growth

If you come find me a year from today, I would like to be unrecognizable.
I recently met up with an old friend. She was a senior when I was a freshman and I have no seen her since graduation that year. In 4 years, she has not changed. She is exactly how we left off. She now has an amazing job and lives in Las Vegas, Nevada and still she is unchanged. She speaks the same, walks the same, has the same carefree attitude and even the same hair. Four years leaves room for so many life changing opportunities if allowed, but the world hadn't changed her, only allowed her to wade slowly through time.
I do not want to be this way. I want to grow always. Maybe not physically, but I always want to push harder. I always want to be better. Style my hair more comfortably, think about the world differently. I want to change. There is an infinite amount of ways to grow into something better. Every decision steers you toward a newer version of yourself. Everyday should bring a new person in the world to change and interact with the rest of the planet.
A stagnant person is accomplishing very little. They may move up in the world, earn more money, or build new relationships, but if they themselves are not changing all of these things will be without purpose. Life is meant to challenge you. It is meant to present you with problems so that you must become stronger to overcome them. Life is meant to change you in the incomprehensible way that it does. Always, you come out changed and better.
In a year from now, maybe I look the same, but I speak with more confidence. I walk with my head a little higher. These small changes will mark the difference between who I was and who I am. Subtle, but they make all the difference. I want to be a completely new person; an improved version on myself. The best that I can be will never exist, because I can always be better.

Activism

A few months ago, in March, I went downtown to watch Ringling Circus. I had noticed a group of people holding signs. They had many different sayings written on them in reference to the circus' animals and where they were to be kept after the circus went out of business. 

This wasn't an overwhelming protest. There were three or four people standing on street corners almost silently holding their signs. They didn't block cars from entering the parking lot or scream at the families walking into the arena. They were there to share their message and they wanted nothing more than that.

Their message came across for me. I still think about it now, months after the fact. It resonates with me how different humans and animals are and what right we had to take advantage of that.
 I spent the entirety of the show thinking about how these animals were being treated. When the tigers would disobey the tamer, I would think "do they not respect him because he abuses them?". I thought about the exotic animals that were stuck in cages traveling the country rather than roaming free halfway across the world. I thought of the horses and how much happier they would be in a pasture. The protesters affected how I saw the entire show. Rather than leaving with joy and excitement, I felt guilty for giving my money to such a toxic environment for these animals.

I believe in a general sense of animals rights. I supported animals being treated correctly, but allowed someone else to figure out what needed to be done and how that should be achieved. I now want to be better informed on these issues. I want to be a bigger part of the world and understand what is happening around me.

I have researched the state of zoos around the world and become better informed about the issues surrounding wild animals in captivity. It matters to me how they are being treated and what kind of environment they are being placed in. These animals have dealt with abuse and neglect for decades for the purpose of human entertainment and only now are they being granted freedom.

Positive Feedback

This week I was accepted into a program in Poughkeepsie, New York. It will provide me with a travel scholarship for me to visit Vassar College. In a whirlwind of college applications, it is nice to get an acceptance to something. It is a nice confidence boost when you are constantly trying to put your best self forward. Trying to convince a complete stranger that you are worthy of a spot in their institution. When it feels like the odds are against are never in your favor, it is nice to be told you are good enough.
This is something that I will never be able to experience without this opportunity. It is a preview of what I will be a part of in just a few months. A sneak peak of college life. I will be able to live in the dorms and sit in on whichever classes I choose. I will meet potential classmates and learn what it is like to be on my own. I have a few out of state colleges that I am considering and they are not close. I feel this will be a way of knowing if I am truly ready to be so far from home.
My mom thinks that I am not ready to leave the nest. She is afraid to see me go off on my own. She has not been supportive of my pushing and is constantly pushing back. I am the first to leave and I am beyond ready to get out; to fly and be free. She sees me as smaller than I am, or maybe she just thinks I'm escaping.
I think I am ready to be out on my own. I know very little about the world and my scope is small, but I feel ready. Maybe it will be terrifying; I will count the hours until I go home. Hopefully, I will never want to come back. I will start waiting for the next time I leave. I will be ready to go see more of the world and I will be excited to venture out again.

Renaissance Festival

Last weekend I went to the Renaissance Festival in Waynesville, Ohio. It is essentially a nerd's paradise, which is why my friends were drawn to it. They were more than excited to be able to see the jousting and costumes. I had less interest, but I enjoy adventures.
We drove the hour and a half to the middle of nowhere. The first thing you see when getting off the highway is a corn field that stretches the last 5 minutes of the drive. At the very last second, an open field is all you can see aside from a castle in the distance. You park in the very back of the field with only other cars to mark spaces. It feels private and exclusive. People come to this place for this reason and that is all. Without this event, this place is empty and alone, but for this one month, this tiny town explodes. There is traffic getting in and coming home, there are people everywhere. Some even have luggage piled into their little car as they travelled all this way.
The ticket gate is a castle with giant walkways and a balcony where the "royal family" stays and greets the crowd. Inside, everyone is in character. Guests and cast alike speak differently and wear accurate dresses and armour. Some wear elven costumes and there was a John Snow look alike walking around; a guest that received more attention than the cast. Everyone was here to express themselves in the most exaggerated ways. They were allowed to explore their interests in a way that everyday society would not accept. They were free and everyone was happy and excited.
My favorite part of the night was receiving my "dragon egg". A geode that was guaranteed to contain crystals.  I chose the smallest one and was allowed to hold my geode while it was split in half. It was sparkling white and had layers of crystals growing over each other. It was the most amazing thing I have ever seen. It made the night incredibly special.
I wasn't expecting to enjoy the renaissance festival, but it was definitely a worthwhile experience.

Positivity

There is not enough positivity in the world.
I say this from a very small piece of the world. I have a little town that I venture out of only rarely. My view is limited, but from 17 years of experience, there is so little positive to grab hold of. There are so many people angry at their situation and they let that bleed out into other people's situations. They leave rude remarks behind them, put themselves before everyone and allow the world to bend around them. People see themselves and they forget that everyone else is navigating the same thing. There are so many times where people choose to add to the negativity that plagues this society.
I want to be part of the percent of the people that make this world a better place. I don't necessarily want to change the world by creating a cure for cancer or winning a Nobel prize, though it would be nice to accomplish those things. I prefer the idea of changing the world one good deed at a time. Spreading a little bit of positivity throughout my lifetime is what I live for. It deeply upsets me when I see someone with the worst attitude walking around and spreading their hate to those around them. It is disappointing watching people react to little situations, like bumping into each other in the hall way, with anger and hate. I've witnessed people become violent in these situations.
It's heartbreaking that this is what our society consists of. Reacting like this to these situations is not met with rejection, but is instead almost expected. We as a society need to change our interactions with each other. It should not be difficult to navigate through the day without making someone angry, and yet we are all so eager to flip our top.
I want to make people happy. I want to make a positive impact in the world. There is so much anger and evil in the world that sometimes a simple "how are you doing" is enough to change someone's day. It's worth it to be the change in the world.

Time of Change

I am beginning my senior year of high school. I expected another year of stability before my entire world turned upside down and I went far away to college and to see the world with my own eyes. I have been in a state of anticipation waiting for the moment that it would feel like I grew up. I wanted to feel the world shift beneath my feet, maybe a tingle run down my spine. I expected something magical. In all this excitement, the real world crept up on me. It tapped me on the shoulder and whispered, "I'm here". I barely noticed. But now, when I look around the world isn't what it was a few weeks ago.
I noticed how much more confident I've become. I've given myself the permission to start living and I have lived. I've decided not to live the rest of my life the way I did in high school. I decided I didn't have to wait until I got out of high school to change this. I am going to carry myself a little higher. I'm going to learn that love starts with your own heart. I've also noticed how everyone else treats me. I feel respected in my classes a lot more. It's no longer classmates pitting against each other, we're all slowly growing up. We've learned to tolerate each other. We've learned to be kind and it shows. I hear the eighth-grade bullies compliment someone having a harder time than them. My peers have learned to love, even if they aren't all the way there yet. My teachers also treat me like I am someone growing, rather than someone they must shape. I am given a lot more freedom to learn in a way that promotes growth, rather than overbearing teachers that stunt it. I am being surrounded by positivity and excitement.
I feel like senior year is going to be a good one. I didn't see it coming,  but it managed to sneak up on me and change everything. I am growing in ways I didn't know I could and the world is shaping around me. I'm ready for the future and it is coming.

Misinformation

The most exciting news these past few weeks has been the upcoming solar eclipse. It's a unique opportunity to see such an unbelievable phenomenon take place right in front of your eyes. The United States has been in a buzz in anticipation for this event. There’s resources for watching online, schools are close and people have been stocking up on solar glasses. Even those uninterested in science have been talking about it; what to expect, when to look for it, safety measures, etc. With all these people talking, however, many things can get misconstrued.
Scientists are warning people not to look directly at the sun without solar glasses. This message has become more and more exaggerated as the anticipated date draws nearer. There is a large amount of people who believe the sun will get brighter during this time and even an accidental glance will melt your cornea. They believe that if they do not get access to these glasses they will have to shut themselves inside until the eclipse is over. Just like any other day, the sun is too bright for our eyes and will damage them. Staring too long without result in damage on any average day. The difference is that without a warning not to look at the sun during the eclipse, our naturally curious minds will be drawn to watch.
There are also warnings from people about keeping pets inside until the eclipse has ended. The issue with this is that an average dog is uninterested in an eclipse. They will not be drawn to the sun and are unlikely to look up. Our pets are smart enough to know the sun hurts their eyes and the eclipse does not mean enough to them to override this natural instinct. If your pet is running in the yard as the moon passes the sun, they are no more likely to lose their vision than any other day you allow them to play.
With the internet, everyone now has a stage to share their thoughts. One person’s fears suddenly becomes mass hysteria. These issues are small and the unnecessary fear will likely protect many people, but I worry that they will cause some to miss this once in a lifetime opportunity.

My Zoo

My mom is an animal lover. I grew up with puppies upon puppies running around the house. We had 5 that we considered "ours" and each of them always had a litter on the way. 12 years later and the average number of legs in my household is much closer to four than two. I have two chihuahuas that have survived the numerous moves and changes we've been through. They're elderly and can hardly get up the stairs, but they've made it pretty far for their breed. In the past five years, I have also adopted LOTS of cats. At the moment I have 4, but one is an outside cat that prefers the neighbor's food to ours. The other three each have their own room that they rule and ignore each other. They dominate the house and know they are in charge. Lastly,  I have Duke and Daisy, two flying squirrels who only want to leave their cage. They have just had a son named DJ and he is the tiniest thing.
I have been taught to love animals and it's come easy to me. I see them as roommates, friends and dependents. I care for them as deeply as I care for my family. I see them growing and learning and I feel a sense of pride.
I see myself as a cat lady in my near future. I love to surround myself with animals and I love the ones I have. I couldn't imagine leaving them behind when I have to. I have grown up with a pet by my side always. I imagine a home without animals is a very lonely one.

I wrote this to brag about how much I love my pets and how many I get to love. I am an animal person through and through. 

New Experiences

Over this weekend I attended GLSEN's LGBTQ Prom. This was a prom for students that didn't feel comfortable going to their school's prom or didn't feel comfortable bringing their date. I was invited by a friend of mine to attend for moral support. I went and it was one of the best times of my life. It made me think about things I had otherwise ignored. The room was filled with a general understanding of nonjudgement. Everyone was themselves and comfortable being that way. It was a new way of thinking and it felt like a pressure had been lifted. There were no rules to conform to and everyone felt at ease with the people around them.
I experienced things I would never have the chance to experience without this opportunity. There was a stage with performances by drag queens. I have never seen a drag queen in my life, but they walked around in their characters completely happy and confident. There were many performers and it was hard not to be amazed by their talent in makeup and dancing.
There was a wall filled with letters written by guests at the prom. Every piece of paper contained something heartfelt or funny. Each one came from a special place in people's heart. It was obvious how many people came to this event because their life at home or in their own school wasn't accepting as this event was. People poured their heart into pieces of paper that were simply torn down at the end of the night.
The overall feeling of acceptance was what really shocking. There was no way to judge others because everyone was there to support each other and find a place where they feel comfortable. It is difficult to look at someone and think negative things in such a positive. uplifting space.
I want to thank GLSEN for not only creating an event that helped give people that are often left out and overlooked a place to feel comfortable but for taking such huge steps to uplift queer and minority groups.

Are Books Better than Movies?

A new age of movies h as begun. Companies like Disney and Dreamworks have noticed a recent lull in people going to cinemas to enjoy their movies. Why waste the money to go out or buy it when it'll be on Netflix soon enough? This dilemma has caused a shift in the way movies are made. The quality has increased and a bit of nostalgia gets thrown into each one. I see all over my feed on social media lists upon lists of movies based on books being released. 

Book lovers will argue that they're intentionally ruining books they love and selling them for less than their worth. they'll believe that the movies are wrong and inaccurate. Fans will rave about how much better the book was, how much more detail was included, how it felt so much more realistic in their head. 

I've fallen victim to all of these. When a title I recognize is coming to theaters I must see it in live-action. I used to enjoy the comparison. Setting each scene next to each other and nitpicking every detail. Comparing what the book did well and what the movie did better. Lately, the movies have become less and less similar to their paper counterparts. It is difficult to look at them as imitations of another person's work. It is easier to look at books as the inspiration for the screenplays. They use the same characters and even the same scenes or dialogue, but they take these ideas and they turn them into something you can watch rather than experience with the character

Thinking of movies this way makes watching them easier and more appealing. It isn't necessary to compare them, but rather analyze each for what it is by itself. Rather than being pieces of each other, they are simply similar and of the same inspiration.

"The Poor Have it Easy"

Being poor in America means suffering. It means not being able to survive, giving up food for shelter. It requires a person to choose between being happy and being alive. Poor people are attempting to survive on unlivable wages. They work harder than anyone else and they are given the bare minimum.
Necessities are priced as luxuries. It is nearly impossible to survive in modern America without a cell phone, computer or car. Despite this, they are hundreds of dollars and out of the question for low-income families. Businesses have risen their prices, inflation has driven costs higher and higher, but wages have failed to raise with them. Job openings have diminished and poor people are left to face the consequences of this.
Some believe that the assistance low-income families receive is too much. They believe that giving struggling families extra support only encourages them to stay out of work and live only on their benefits. People believe that those with government help have everything paid for and don't worry about money or a job. What these people don't understand is that the government can only provide so much. Many families are given very small amounts to live on. They are given low-quality housing and can buy very little food. These systems help people, but they do not provide everything they need.
The poor have to think about every move they make when money is tight. Buying laundry detergent may mean not being able to drive to work at the end of the month. Poor people are forced to budget down to the penny and most have to live their life burying themselves in debt they may never repay. It’s a life of constant stress and worry. A life with little room for enjoyment. The poor are working as hard as they can and getting nothing in return. This is not an easy life.

The Circus

This Friday I am going to the last show of Ringling Circus in Cincinnati. I have seen the circus many times when it has come into town and I enjoy the fond memories it has given me. I remember big circus hats, acrobats, cotton candy and of course, the animals. Now, as I am older, I understand what the animals in this circus have had to go through. I think the freedom of the animals is important, but I can't help but feel upset about losing this part of my past. The circus has always been a wonder to me; that's the point. I've always wanted to be an acrobat and fly on the trapeze. I've wanted to live with clowns and travel the world. I love the wonder of the circus.
The animals mean very little to me in terms of being in the circus. That was never the part I was looking for. I was looking for people doing amazing things. The animals were a sight to see, but they were never the show for me. I understand not everyone feels this way. It's upsetting that losing the ability to show animals makes enough of an impact that people will no longer go to the circus.
Many big circuses can't keep performing without the income that the animals provided. It pains me that so many people will be out of a job and so many talents will go to waste. A circus is about wonder and spectacular things and it should not function only at the cost of an animal's health. I am so overjoyed that these suffering animals can retire to a nicer life, but there is so much that will be lost due to it.

Hazing

Hazing is associated with big, famous groups as part of a ritual to become a part of the group. They force new members to streak through a busy area or pull pranks, sometimes even purposely harming them. It's a barbaric practice that has no place in the society we live in. It's fairly unanimous that this harmful, embarrassing act is wrong and needs to be stopped. The only people who aren't opposed to it are those that are enjoying the high of their power trip. Hazing is a terrible thing and needs to be punished severely.
Hazing is a type of bullying. It's older students using their power to humiliate, harm and belittle those younger than them. This should be a huge deal in schools. They should be putting a stop to this before it even happens. Students should not be given the school's approval to make others feel scared or self-conscious. School is a time for students to learn about themselves. They should feel free to explore new clubs and sports. It should be a welcoming place where everyone has a chance. There should not be a fear of upperclassmen or other threats.
Schools should be punishing students partaking in this act as severely as they punish students for bullying, if not more. There should be a place for students to speak out about these issues and a listening ear ready to take action. Hazing can cause psychological issues for the victims and cause them to seclude themselves or not try new things. School administration can not allow a student to have to face these consequences. They deserve full support from the school and those that took part in the hazing should face suspensions from the activity, possible suspension from school and detentions. This is a huge problem that can’t be dismissed as part of a ritual.

Is Amazon becoming too powerful?

Amazon is worth more than $350 billion. It's run completely off of the internet and has very few original products and yet it's worth more than businesses with hundreds of stores and a large online catalog. Amazon sells almost everything. They have buttons that will automatically ship things to your house, they sell groceries, they can have things shipped to you that same day. The services they offer are unbeatable. They don't compare to anyone else. Amazon offers unmatchable services. Even if another company attempted the low prices and fast delivery of amazon  there is no way to match their reliability and prices. Many people do most of their holiday shopping there and much of their time buying other things. Amazon has complete control of a market it created itself. It’s become bigger than was once imaginable and become a staple part of American’s lives. The first place people look for something to buy is amazon. Amazon has a lot of power and every opportunity to abuse it.

Amazon has become this super company that is unmatchable in many different ways. It has complete control of anything it needs control over. It can drown certain brands and promote whatever products it needs to. There is no one to challenge them and they can do close to whatever they want. As the consumer, this isn’t sustainable. Our society puts us in a place where big companies will take advantage of this kind of control and power. Amazon can make big mistakes and still maintain their following because there is simply so much of it. If a large chunk of amazon’s buyers decided to drop the company, it would still have enough to support itself.

Amazon can make huge decisions that will make a huge impact on our society. If the company decides to change something important, the world will notice. The company has a large impact on our society. We have given them this power and we have little opportunity to take it back. At the moment, this convenience is helping the world find cheap, fast alternatives, but that can change in the blink of an eye.

Homework

To students, teachers exist only in their classroom. In some ways, this is true of teachers as well. A teacher only knows a student based on what they bring to a classroom, who they are in that room.  It does not really occur to a teacher what their life is outside of that environment. With this in mind, some teachers also forget that their class is not the only classroom students visit in a day. An hour of homework is not much, but multiply that by 7 classes and students now only have a half hour of free time before 10 o’clock. In my high school career, I rarely bring work home. I do it in study hall or finish it in class. My teachers think about me as a student and the other things I have to do in my life. They assign just enough material to learn the subject, rather than an assignment every night. I am very lucky. I know this is not true for everyone though.

I have heard horror stories from less understanding teachers. They think their class is the most important in the school and they are infamous for assigning homework every night religiously. There is math practice in class and at home or a writing assignment every few days. Teachers drown their students with information, hoping they will absorb some of it. This is not fair to those that have jobs or chores at home or independent studies. They can not indulge in the things that interest them or the thing they have to do.

There is no blanket answer. It is not accurate to say all teachers assign too much homework or teachers do not assign enough homework. Teachers design their class the way they want them to be. Some think more practice is better while others believe in quality rather than quantity. There is no easy answer because everyone is different. I my high school career I have felt comfortable handling the workload I receive, but I know people personally that have become lost in their classes and watched their grades drop as they couldn’t keep up with everything thrown at them.

Technology

Technology is everywhere. There's at least one television in most homes across the United States, most people have a cell phone and many have a tablet or laptop to go with it. There are smart watches and Bluetooth headphones that hang off people's body. There is no escaping the grip that technology has on society. We are surrounded by this bubble, but should we be sheltered from it? Is it a parents job to limit how much technology their child consumes? The short answer is yes; the long answer depends on the technology. Limiting how much a child watches tv limits how much time they can spend on the couch as compared to going outside or reading a book. It gets a child away from mind numbing tv shows and into things they can interact with and grow with. On the other hand, limiting a child's time on their cell phone would be like limiting the amount of time someone can spend writing letters. More often than not, that person is speaking to or texting a friend. They may be talking about something important or just catching up with one another. Either way, they are using their phone to be a part of the lives of people around them. This shouldn't be limited the same way the television may be. The television should be limited to about one hour while a cell phone should be limited for about an hour. These are two vastly different devices and should be treated that way. Technology isn't always a bad thing, but it should be taken in moderation. The rules should not be so strict that technology is treated like something bad or toxic, but they should encourage children to want to do more. Rules should make children want to be better and act better. Keeping technology from them completely will leave them wanting as much as possible when they are left to make decisions for themselves. It is a parents job to teach their children this balance and make rules that are easy to follow, but also promote a healthy lifestyle. Technology is great, but only in moderation.

Privacy

Privacy is a human right. Something we all should have access to. We should be able to choose what the rest of the world sees and when and how. Each individual person is responsible for how they are presented to the world. Shouldn't they decide which parts of their life it sees? Are there people better suited for handling this information, parents for example? A parents job is to protect and raise their children. They make many decisions for them when they are young and even as they grow older. Can they effectively decide how much should be shared about their children?

Facebook and other social media sites are filled with people's children. Everyone wants to share their child's greatest achievement. they want family and friends aware of what their kids are doing and what they currently look like. Parents love to take group photos and portraits and post them as profile pictures and things to comment on. This is common in this technology driven era. Not posting photos of your kids is considered uncommon. This oversharing isn't necessarily good, though. Teenagers are warned not to post everything online because in a few years a job or college might see that photo of you smoking weed or partying. Parents can make this same mistake too, though. An innocent photo to a parent could change the decisions of potential schools, jobs or relationships.

Children should have a say in what a parent can or cannot post about them. If a child doesn’t like a particular photo, why should the rest of the world get to see it? When it comes to anyone else taking a photo they always have the choice of where they can post it, otherwise it a violation of privacy. Parents are no different. It also risks children’s name and face being posted on the internet for anyone to see. There are bad people out there. If a child is worried about someone finding them through their parent’s account, it should be posted.

Children are much more aware than some parents give credit for. Sometimes they see consequences that parents regard as unimportant. They should not have to face these consequences because of a picture.

Our Role Models

A sports team job is to entertain by being incredibly strong, fast, agile, etc. The undeniable outcome of this is people look up to them. They want to be faster or stronger. They see these athletes as something they can achieve if they work a little harder. They become dreams for those that are not included in the term “athlete”. Little kids tell their parents they want to be a football player when they grow up. They’re role models. They have always been seen in this society as the elite. They get paid more, they are seen as the most attractive, who doesn’t want to be an athlete? When an athlete acts out and is seen swearing often or stealing or acting inappropriately, the public WILL see this. They will see it and judge it and then they will think “this is how all athletes think and act”. But society is always unwilling to change. The thought will be “This is how all athletes act” followed or preceded by “I want to be an athlete.” If there is no one to check how athletes act, societies role models suddenly are showing everyone that this is okay, I’m allowed to act this way. There needs to be punishment for acting this way. It needs to be said in big, bold letters that “THIS IS NOT AN ATHLETE! THIS IS NOT HOW AN ATHLETE SHOULD ACT.” America is so easily persuaded by the media. It shows us the people to look up to, the people to shame, the people that we never talk about. Seeing the people we worship act out without punishment sends a big message. If a person is going to sign themselves up to be a role model they should be willing to act as such or face losing that position. It is in their job description. It is important to America’s well being that some form of punishment be served. If we are going to tell people that these are the citizens that have excelled and made it to this special position, we cannot allow them to take that for granted.

Grading Teachers

Teachers are some of the most influential people in a student's life. They plant seeds that help form how a student thinks and behaves. As a collective, they control everything a student knows. Could they be abusing this power? Are there instances where students are not being taught or are being mistreated by these important people in their lives? Most students would probably stand proudly and exclaim "I can name many!" They would name any teacher that didn't give them the grade they wanted or disciplined them in class. Obviously, this isn't true in most cases, teenagers like to exaggerate and can be exceptionally brutal when given the opportunity. But there are most definitely cases where students realize they are not receiving the education they deserve. Students realize subpar teaching, they notice when the teachers care just as little as they do about the work being assigned. A student should be able to voice this opinion. One student's bad evaluation of a teacher should not mean their immediate termination, but it should be accessible to the teacher. Although the teacher may be more experienced, the student is ultimately the one that takes the class and receives the lessons. A teacher should know what their students think about them and adjust the things that many of them have issues with. It's about always improving. No one is perfect and teachers should want to grow to fit their students. Students grading teachers is a great thing! Teachers deserve the feedback. However, this evaluation should not affect the teacher's job or pay. Students are still children. They should not be the deciding factor in a person's career. I have had teachers pass out evaluations at the end of the year to improve the class and themselves. This is a great thing and it should be encouraged.